June 24, 2011 – Compassion

A few days ago Bill posted a great list of things that we found of what to do and not to do with and for those that are grieving.  At the very heart of this though there is a word that is missing from the list…compassion, without compassion for those that are grieving it is hard to offer them much.  Don’t expect too much from a grieving family, and even more importantly…don’t expect more from them than you would from someone who is not grieving.  Take a minute, put yourself in their situation and think about how you would want to be treated.  We have been very surprised and saddened by the lack of compassion that we have experienced at times.  

Everyone seems to understand that you need support and comfort immediately following the death of a loved one…but then think that after a couple of weeks it’s all over and it’s time to move on.  You’ve always heard, “It gets better with time.”  Well, it doesn’t.  Some days it is all you can do to get out of bed.  Don’t expect someone who is trying to get through the day to reach out to you, you need to reach out to them.  When you run into them at the store, school, church, etc… don’t stare at them without saying anything, dodge them by ducking around corners or turn your head and act like you don’t see them.  If you don’t know what to say, just say hi or it’s good to see you, or just give them a hug or a touch on the arm.  Yes, we are sad, but we don’t need you to look at us like you are sad or with the look of pity, it doesn’t help us.  We have hope and we have a promise that we will see our daughter again and that we will one day be with Jesus. 

We are so thankful for the friends that treat us the same as they did before and that don’t expect too much from us.  We love to talk about our sweet Hannah, and appreciate hearing stories and memories.  We also love hearing from people we had not met before who have let us know about how Hannah’s story touched them and how they have prayed for our family.  Don’t be afraid to bring the deceased up for fear of upsetting, there isn’t a second of time that goes by that we don’t think about Hannah and you bringing her up is actually comforting.  For those reading this who are going through a loss, you will be surprised by where compassion comes from and just as surprised and sometimes hurt by where it doesn’t.  Always keep in mind the words of Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

We watched our precious, innocent little girl suffer for a month in the hospital, and then watched helplessly as she suddenly and unexpectedly died in our arms…all we ask is for just a little compassion.  We thank God continually for the compassion He has for us.  He alone carried us through every step of our journey.  I pray every day that I can be of comfort to others as He is to us.  As it says in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4  ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

 In Him,

Amy