January 2, 2012 – Words

Beaten Down. Broken. Sad. Lonely. Sick. Weak. Surgeries. Tired. Medicine. Cynical. Sarcastic. Bored. Hurt. Alone. Not Cared For. Ignored. Abandoned. More death. Muzzled. Scared. Suffer. Mis-understood. Drained.  Doctors. More Cancer. Unfair. Forgotten. Used. Truth. Authentic. Sin. Lost. Cordial. 

There are the words that come to my mind from 2011 regarding Amy, Jacob and myself and our lives in 2011 from a world’s perspective.  Sure there were many good worldly and eternal things that happened to us this past year that we are thankful and appreciative for but as I sit here thinking for several days on what to write for this blog, the words written above are what comes to mind.  

Not exactly words that would be put in a new hip and trendy sermon, book, tweet or blog are they?  For all the judgemental, legalistic and religious people out there reading this blog, I’m sorry if these words don’t fit nicely into your buttoned up thought process and religion.  These words are the the raw truth and reflect our first full year without our daughter Hannah.  

But you know what?  I wouldn’t trade this year for any other year in my life!  Nope!  Not a chance!  Obviously what happened to our family with the loss of our daughter was horrible beyond belief and happens everyday to others!  And will at one point in time, happen to everyone as death is inevitable regardless if you want to act like it doesn’t exist or put on a fake mask to act your way through life. 

Why wouldn’t I trade this year for anything?  Two words – HEAVEN and JESUS! John Piper in his article on “Don’t Waste Your Cancer” that we’ve posted on our blog, states a sentence that summarizes what has happened to us:


I can only speak for myself, but would I have had this thought or change in me, if Hannah didn’t suffer and die and if we didn’t go through the struggles of this past year, sadly absolutely not!  I was just like almost everyone you see in this world both Christian and Non-Christian( if you can even tell the difference anymore…) – concerned about me and everything that could impact me. Me, Me and lastly Me!

Do I still struggle with this self-fishness, absolutely!  Everyday! But thankfully I have a friend and Savior in Jesus that came and paid the price for my sin!  It isn’t popular in today’s culture to say this but – there is only ONE way to the Father, and that’s through the Son – JESUS!  Now my Hopes and Dreams are not in this world, but in the world to come – Heaven!   Can’t wait to meet my Savior face to face there along with my sweet little baby girl Hannah! 

Heaven. Jesus. Hope. Trust. Compassion. Ministered. Shepherded. Cared For. Alive. Friends. Holy Spirit. Miracle. Patience. Laughing. Strong. Sacrifice. Helping. Lifting. Father. Endurance.

Words for 2012. 

 If Amy or I can be a source of Hope to anyone reading this blog, please email us at thehopeofhannah@gmail.com.

In Jesus and Jesus Alone,


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