July 2, 2011 – New Earth

Today was a strange and sad day.  It wasn’t the plan nor do we understand why today was the way it was.  Amy, Jacob and myself along with our two dogs were out of sorts. 

It started in the middle of the night with our dogs waking us up to go outside, Jacob waking up at 5a.m. something when today was finally a day for us to catch up on sleep.  Jacob you could tell was bothered all day based upon his actions and overall vibe.  Amy and I were just kind of bleh!

Instead of sitting around, we decided to go out and about in a totally different area that our normal ways.  For those of you reading, we live in Allen, TX which it now seems has literally everything you would absolutely need all within 2 miles of our house.  Way overboard stores, restaurants, etc – everything that the world has to offer.

Well, we decided to go somewhere different.  We headed out for Wylie, TX to go to a Tractor Supply store which all three of us like as it brings me back to my small town roots along with having pet toys and literally the best red licorice.  So off we went.  Good experience and quite busy.  Found extra large tennis ball for Chummy and they had the awesome licorice!

From there, we needed groceries so decided to drive down towards Garland and then at last minute, decided to go to Central Market for fruit, veggies & groceries.  That’s when everything started to hit as we walked the aisles of the store.  We used to go here alot for Hannah as needed to shop for various allergen-free foods and she loved the Magic Pops, a wheat, rice & corn bread thing they make there.  Hannah could always eat these as the ingredients were simple.  As I walked through the store with Jacob, literally memory after memory of HHH streamed through my head along with Jacob bringing up past memories of those two – getting balloons, etc. 

We got in and out of the store rather quickly during the mass of people buying their July 4th food and the plan was to get back on Tollroad and head home.  Massive traffic wouldn’t allow us to turn left so headed home up Coit Road taking the scenic route home.

As we drove north, we hit a literal thunderstorm of memories, sadness, happiness and overall emptiness as we drove by Medical Center of Plano where Hannah was born, where Amy & I attended childbirth classes for her, her first pediatrician’s office, her first x-rays when she fell on her head, etc.  We discussed with Jacob all the great memories but you could tell he was really hurting and we were also.

New revised driving plan was to keep going north and then head east to Allen.  But I didn’t for some reason.  Took a right on Legacy.  Went by our old Plano home where we lived when Hannah was born.  Memories of her nursery, Amy’s pregnancy, Hannah’s allergy issues as a baby, her crib, me singing “Majesty” and other Larnell Harris songs to her trying to get her to sleep at night.  Again, a rainstorm of memories.

New revised driving plan was to keep going east on Legacy to Greenville and then head north to Allen.  Instead, I took a right on Barbican and drove down to a park that Amy & I walked Hannah around as an infant.  More memories of her beautiful & huge blue eyes, her soft skin, her little nose, her preciousness.  Now these memories were literally ripping me apart.  I tried to not bring these up to Amy and Jacob and faked my way home.

As we drove north now on Independence, decided at last minute to get Iced Latte at Dunkin Doughnuts.  I love their hot coffee but this was a disappointment especially compared to Starbucks.  From this point, we headed home and thankfully got there somewhat quickly.

From there, the day was just hanging around.  Jacob tried to pass the time by playing upstairs quietly.  A year ago, loud talking, laughing, fighting and two siblings and best friends playing.  Now silence or occasionally Jacob talking.  I can not tell you what a great boy he is and how strong he is! 

The big thing I feel people don’t understand about the whole situation is related to him.  He is 6 years old, his big sister who watched over him, directed him and was his best friend was literally gone from this earthly life in a little over 30 days.  Amy & I have each other to talk but he is alone.  The majority of his friends were Hannah’s friends siblings.  When Hannah left, they’ve naturally left as we as a 1 child family don’t align as well as we did when Hannah was here.  It isn’t intentional by any means but it is real. 

And despite this, he has overcome the situation, survived and really is coming into his own right now not because of us, our wonderful parenting skills (NOT) but because of God literally lifting him up. 

We just put Jacob to bed and as I walked down the hallway past Hannah’s room, again memories hit.  From an earthly point of view, I’m glad today is over as it has been very, very tough on us.  It probably won’t get any easier as this is the 4th of July weekend which in itself brings back all sorts of other memories. 

Through this battle of a day however there has been one continued thought of encouragement which I know was directly from Jesus.  New Earth!  New Earth!  New Earth!    As I write this, it is obvious He directed our paths today for a reason to bring up all of the Hannah memories for a reason.  New Earth!  New Earth!  What does this mean?

Revelation 21:1-8 gives us great Hope for our future when we will be with our sweet Hannah again!  It sure is hard during the crazy & busy lives we live here now days to keep focused on what’s important (eternity) rather than the urgent but I really do appreciate when the Creator of this world & my Savior comforts me with two simple words during one of the hardest days I’ve faced since Hannah’s illness and death!  Thank You Lord! 

Good night Everyone,


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