November 27, 2012 – Grieving Parents

The words below are not our own, this was written by another bereaved parent on Facebook, Erin Phillips.  This is so well said and so very true, that we feel the need to share it here.  We have experienced this since Hannah’s death.


If you have a bereaved parent in your life and you believe that he or she needs to get over it and move on after a little bit of time has passed, please do something for them:

Look at your child today. Stop what you are doing and thinking and take a moment to really look at your child, no matter how old or how young they are. Close your eyes and imagine, really and completely imagine, never again, not for as long as you live seeing their beautiful face, their incredible smile, the mystery in their eyes. Imagine, never again, not for as long as you breathe wrapping your arms around them and giving them a hug. Imagine, really think about it and imagine, never, not even if you live to be one hundred years old, never again hearing the music of their voice say, “I love you mom” or “I love you dad.”

Try, really try to image planning your son’s or daughter’s funeral and then standing there next to a gaping hole dug into the Earth while your child’s casket sits there waiting to be lowered into it and then buried. Imagine being handed an urn, and knowing that the ashes within in it are all that remains of your child’s Earthly vessel…

Really try to picture yourself in a cemetery, kneeling over your child’s grave on Mother’s or Father’s Day, talking to and kissing a headstone that lies over your child’s Earthly vessel, or clutching an urn to your chest so tightly that your breastbone feels as though it will cave in…

And for those of you, who believe that our dead children are in a better place, answer this one question to yourself and answer it honestly:

If it were possible, would you trade your son or daughter for one of ours because they are in such a better place?

I personally do not find even the tiniest bit of comfort in that thought, and it is not because I do not believe in God! It is because Ayden was just beginning his life. He was young, happy and just starting to live life. There was still sooooo very much he had left to experience.

Please do not expect a bereaved parent to magically wake up one morning and be returned to the person they once were. It cannot and will not happen. It is an impossibility.

Do not think you would know what to do with, or just exactly how you would handle, the pain and sorrow of being a lost parent. Even those of us who belong to this horrid, unwanted club do not know these things. We just do our best to get to the next moment, and that is all we need to do…

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